It's still "ME"

hey, this is my last day of chinese new year holiday and tomorow back to work. Havent been doing anything actually just rest and being the most laziest person on earth. Well actually i told myself im not gonna drag this again but i just cant help it. He called me last Saturday, saying things that i wanna hear. Missed that actually, but i was feeling happy and smiling the whole day because he puts his ego down to say those things to me and i was acting really cool about it and it was big thing for me to act like that. Well i do miss him but ahamdullillah so far everything is going fine with me. Till today we chat online and everything was cool, then towards the end he said something that really breaks my heart. What does he want? both of us? why he still want me but still scared with her? what is his point? I watch "The Holiday" with a group or my gurlfren, its good movie i really love it. My part will be Kate Winslet. I know i have to stop keeping in touch with him and move on. Maybe it doesnt hit me yet. To MOVE from him. And when i ask why? he can actually said, "im in peace for one month please dont make it worst" what does that mean? why do i always get the blame but not her? Why it's always me? I am backing off which i am the one who should fight for it. But is just a waste of time coz i know there is no reason to cheat in relationship. It doesnt work like that.I know i shouldnt have love him, i know i shouldnt be nice to him. Im trying to be the person who got the brain. I know one of the rule to move on is not to keep in touch with the bastard. But is hard for me, for not hearing his voice. I really hope his feeling what im feeling for him. I really wish he will learn and regret. I know it's wrong to ask all this because this is god's will and it's not good to do that. Trying my very best to be as nice as i can. I've been busy with my life now, so i wont think of what happen and not to be depress. But sometimes it just hit me like that and it make me speechless to do anything about it. I cant understand why they have to cheat. Cant understand why is it so hard for them to choose? Im visitting him soon and i am on a mission, i really hope it will work. Not to get back toghether but for him to think..what is he missing out. I ask for your forgiveness and i ask for you to show me, and u did. Thank you for always there to "listen" and always give me chance to prove myself.Being close to you have teach me alot and qustioned alot too.
Asking a bad thing to happen it's not good. But he'll get it one day.
PEACE OUT!